I wish I could just run away

Sana nga pwede na lang ako umalis. Somewhere I will be free.

Free to decide for myself, go wherever I wanna go, do as I please.

Why do we have to say harsh things to hurt those we love?

And afterwards you expect me to act as if nothing happened? Na parang di ako nasaktan sa lahat ng sinabi mo.

Alam ko namang hirap kayo. Hirap din ako.

Napapagod na ko na araw-araw na lang gigising ako ng sobrang aga, magmamadali papasok sa opisina para hindi ma-late. Only to endure the whole day having my boss remind me how incompetent I am, or how he dislike me, my officemates refusing to train me or explain to me how to do better with my job, treat me like some sort of an outcast because I don't matter, my work doesn't matter compared to theirs. And my closest friend at work won't bother to listen to me, she makes everything of me an excuse to talk about herself. I'm sick of my work! And come 7PM, I'm still on a rush to go home. Kailangan kasi umuwi ng maaga, ma-late lang kasi ko ng 30minutes ng uwi, nagte-text na kayo agad kung nasan ako, iniisip na naglakwatsa na naman ako. Araw-araw na lang ganito! Magmamadali papasok, magmamadali pauwi! Hindi ba pwede na paminsan-minsan i-enjoy ko din naman ang pera ko? Para mawala naman ang pagod ko? Lahat ng hinanakit ko sa opisina??

Alam ko din na hindi talaga ko regular na nagbibigay sa inyo. But who said that we shouldn't feel obliged to give? Who said then that just enjoy our job, give something just when you have extras? Sino ba ang nagsabi na naiintindihan nila na maliit lang sweldo ko? Kung alam ko lang na pera lang pala ang problema sana sinabi mo agad. Lahat ng galit mo sakin laging sa pera nauuwi.

"Ang ate mo kahit kakarampot ang kinikita, nagbibigay yan ng tag-500php, 1000php! Nung may trabaho pa yan, parehas lang naman kayo ng sweldo pero walang palya sa pag-abot sakin!! Yung last na sweldo nya andyan na lahat yan sa tindahan!!! Lagi mo sinasabi na wala ka pera pero lagi kang may tinatabi para sa mga laboy mo!!!..."

Let me just explain. I was at the Oriental Dreamers gathering last night. No entrance fee. Our transpo was even paid by Nang Joy. Ngayon eto ba yung ginagastusan kong laboy???

"Ano bang mapapala mo sa brown org brown org na yan?? Wala ka namang mapapala dyan! Kikita ka ba jan???!! Sali kayo ng sali dyan wala naman kayong nagagawa sa bayan! Puro lang kayo salita!!!!.."

I still can't believe she said these to me. All along I thought she's very supportive. I was really hurt. I thought they would all support me with this. The only thing that's making me feel important nowadays. The only thing that makes me feel I am capable of something. All along she never really approved. Sana sinabi na lang nya...

"Napaka-iresponsable mo! Burara ka pa!!
Nadi-disappoint ako sayo!!??!!..."

If that's how you're feeling, well, allow me to say that I am also disappointed. This is the last stroke. I won't say that I will turn my back from all my responsibilities in this family. Because I'm not irresponsible. And I'll prove to you that I am not what you think of me. If you think Ate, and all my other siblings are better than me, so be it. I cannot make you think otherwise. Hindi ko rin ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko...