Family Affair

I never thought this could happen in my life. An overused plot in every movies and telenovelas. I've seen it happen to celebrities, read it in the magazines, shared the pain of some friends and even relatives who suffered the same problem.

But not once did I thought it will happen to me.

My father have another woman.

An ex-girlfriend it appears to be. I can't get myself to divulge any of the matters we've discussed as a family last night. It was too too painful.

How does one start over?

When does the healing start?

How can I look into his face again without seeing the betrayal? The pain he caused us too much?

Can one really forgive when the pain won't even be truly washed out?

I'm turning 21 in a few days. I'm done studying. I have a job, not a job I like, but at least I have one. I know when worse comes to worst and we need to break up, I know I can handle it. It will really be painful but I can handle it. Me and my ate can handle it.

We were able to spend more than two decades of our lives living a perfect life in a perfect family. I guess we've had our share of the love and care we needed to lead the rest of our lives. We were happy for the past years.

But how about our younger sister and brother? They barely finish their high school years. They need now more than ever the guidance of a complete set of a family. They'll never understand at their young age why our father did that. I don't even want to think how this will affect their lives and their future decisions.

I'm scared to think of what will happen to us. I don't want to visualize the options set by my mother last night. I don't want to have my family break up.

My family's tearing apart in my face and I can't do a thing to stop it.

Oddly enough, I can't feel any hatred towards my father. Call me naive but I believe every word he said, and I'll continue believing every word he will say. No matter what that woman claims.

Deep inside I'm hurting to see my father cry almost breathlessly. To hear my mother cry in anguish. She'll never forgive my father now. I know, no matter how much she love us, she never will.

It's the first time I ever see them like this. We've had our fair share of arguments, petty quarrels, confrontations..but this one..it's too different.

I wanted to protect them both. Protect them from continuing hurting each other. I want to protect my siblings. The time I cried so hard last night was when I saw my brother and sister cry. See the confusion and pain in their eyes.

It's too much.

How can one woman destroy 24 years of strong bond?

Were we just living a lie? Is it true what that woman says that my father never really love my mother? That all these 24 years he was loving this woman?

I'm starting to think it was my fault. I never been the best daughter to them. Never the best sister to my siblings. I never communicated to God so fervently. I've been too self-centered. Focused on my own selfish problems.

Is God punishing me now? Because I'm really sorry. I know in time I'll suffer the consequence of my actions. But I never thought it will be like this.

I don't want this family to separate. I want to start over.

Though I know, deep inside, it will never ever be the same again...