Premature Aging II

Is it the mirror or is it just me?

I did take a good look of myself in the mirror when we went to Watson's after lunch.

And my golly! I look hideous!! huhu..

Puffy eyes with large eyebags that looks like black pouches, dry and old skin (and full of impurities!), dry hair..
Well, I do look like a hag..haysst!!

I'm starting a new project now.

Major Make-over: Make me look like my age or younger!

Premature Aging

There. Now I know. And I shall begin to understand. Now that someone already say it to my face.

I don't look my age. I look 10 years older than 20.. Waah!!

That's why every one calls me "ate"..huhu

Hmm..is it my everyday outfit? or my built? or my facial features?? or maybe because I look tired and serious all the time??

And to think all this time I only thought it to be maturity. Duh! It's not maturity..its AGING!!!

Talk about premature aging..*sigh*

I should take a good look of myself in front of the mirror. Analyze myself and look for ways to make me look younger..

I mean how can I enjoy my youth if I don't look like it???!!!

Hard-earned Lessons

I know. I know. I should be posting my thoughts here regularly. But well, I guess things have been outright busy. Anyway, so much things has happened.

I finished a book at Powerbooks (without having the need to pay! heehee), my family's had a confrontation ending to our present situation where my mom and dad decided to just be civil with each other (but I do hope we'll be able to go back to how we were then, this house seems to be empty without our constant laughter and talks). Oddly, I miss my dad though he's always around the house. I almost gave up with my work, attended the oriental series (organized by brownraise org), and decided to give my job a chance..AGAIN (thanks to the insights provided by the talk). I decided I wanted to go back to school and pursue Asian Studies (in Diliman, of course). It's my way of living up to Rizal's legacy to never stop learning. Well, just to realize its too late for me to enroll for the coming semester (like I have the money to enroll anyway..hehe). So what I do? I registered at an online language tutorial (http://www.livemocha.com) and teach myself how to speak Korean.

There. I summarized all the happenings for the past weeks since I last logged in.

It was indeed a rough ride. Life's been tough. But life, as I realized, along with the waves embeds a certain mark of maturity and lessons. Marks we'll never be able to achieve from a smooth-sailing ride.

I learned to :

- SAVE - always prepare for a rainy day. Or a storm. No one knows when it'll come. And its good to know where your hard-earned money goes.

- ORGANIZE - Aside form the big 3 things I never leave the house with (wallet, ID, and cellphone), I now add my planner and a handy notebook with me EVERYDAY. It keeps me focused. And since I daydream and think a LOT, it helps me keep track of my ideas.

- be PROACTIVE - I now am planning for my future. So I'm partnering with fellow
business-minded friends in coming up with the perfect business plan. Do hope we'll be successful *fingers-crossed*

Annyong Hi Kye Se Yo!!! ;-)

What's with LAW anyway?

Why is it that everyone I know seems to consider taking up law after college? First izay, now its peeg. And some batchmates I know are planning to take up law as well this coming semester.

And now I'm thinking: Why haven't I given it a thought? And there's this awkward feeling of jealousy..again..
Shucks! Why is it that when someone I know seems to have a complete control of their life I get envious?

Well, apparently its because up to now I still don't have a clear vision of what I wanted to do. And everyone's plan is better than mine.

At least ANY plan is better than NO PLAN AT ALL.

So hello?? Can someone please enlighten me on how to steer my life towards the right direction? And not to continue enjoying this joyride to nowhere?

Eton Blues

How many times have i told myself to try to be more positive about my work? to embrace what I'm doing and make the most out of it. Try to learn everything because maybe, just maybe.. I'll eventually learn to love this job and everything about it. I tried cheering myself up so I'll have some drive to go to work, organize my mind- path so things will just flow smoothly once I set my foot here.It was all in vain, because after a week or a few days i'll start feeling this weathering work blues again.

The fact is, I hate this job.

When I graduated I admit I had no clear vision on what path I would take. No particular industry I would want to pursue. So I settled on the first job that will take me.

All I know was that I wanted to do marketing. And I still do.

I just wanted to learn how things are done in the corporate world. Learn more about my craft.

Bottom line is, I wanted to learn.

And apparently, Eton is not giving me that.I mean, I guess I can accept this lowly job with ease if only they'll teach me something. Despite being constantly neglected by everybody in my department, especially by my boss, inspite of the low salary, long working hours, I believe I can put up with that as long as I'm learning.

Only consolation I'm getting here is that there's a comfort room at the far-end of the hallway outside the office. The last cubicle there serves as my sanctuary of tears whenever i needed it, my only loyal friend here. It's my only witness how I suffer emotionally here. The only place I can cry my eyes out. Where I can pour my frustrations to.

How pitiful.

I do hope I never have to visit it again. Never will I cry because of work again.

Please dear God, help me appreciate this. It's the only job I have now. And you know how hard it is to find another one at times like this. Please, please, make me love this job.

Para kay B (and a glimpse of my love story)

“Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Ang iba, iibig sa di sila iniibig. O iibig nang di natututo. O iibig sa wala. O di iibig kailanman.. - PARA KAY B"

<There's a quota in loving. Of the five people who will love, only one will be truly happy. Others, will love those who'll never love them back. Or love without learning. Or love nothing. Or will never love at all..>

This is the rather infamous quote from this literary piece by Ricky Lee.

Let's consider that his theory does holds true. Who am I among these five?

I admit I am one of those people who have never experienced how it is to be in love. Yeah, a true blue NBSB (read : No Boyfriend Since Birth). At my age, people won't believe me when I told them that. And I usually steer myself away from that discussion. A string of questions just always follows. Questions even I can't seem to answer. Questions I too ask myself at times.

When I was young, a guy broke my heart. He was THE ideal boyfriend of anyone's teenage years. A basketball star, blessed with good looks and a gentleman personality, all brawns and brains. A certified heartthrob. There's one glitch though, he was some kind of a womanizer. Well, make that a lot.

But you know how girls are, the more bad boy a guy be, the more attractive he appears in our eyes. Its like we wanted to be the one to capture his heart and tame his wild persona.

So I fell for him. Because then, I was a plain girl, who excel some in academics, but really shy and more like a wall flower. Like the lowly production assistant amongst the movie stars. See? Of all the gorgeous girls in my class, girls whose going gaga over him, he decided he'll take me instead.

Little did I know he'll soon break my heart. That he'll choose another girl. A girl who turned out to be one of my best friends.

Well, what's done is done. And it surprised me how easily I got over him. Realized it was my pride he'd hurt, not my heart.

But funny though it is, I can't seem to lose the wall I put as protection around my heart.

Don't get this all wrong, I do fall for some guys after him. It's not like I let myself turn into a monk or something. But I can't seem to take anymore chances. When I'm on the verge of saying "yes", something always holds me back.

So at my age, I have never truly loved anyone. Nor give anyone a chance to really love me. And at this point, no one seems to be getting close to taking down THE wall.

Hey! Hey! Does that mean I belong to the "or will love nothing" ???

Or worse.. those who "will never love at all"???

25 Random Things

1.) Extremely bored with work (that at the end of the day, people here in the office are breathing in carbon dioxide because I exhale too much..*sigh)
2.) Can watch Doraemon and Spongebob squarepants the whole day without interruption
3.) Never learned how to ride a bicycle
4.) Hates the color pink
5.) Loves to sing but never in front of an audience
6.) Is now on her heaviest weight..huhu
7.) Addicted to Fit 'n Right (pine orange and pineapple..hehe)
8.) An out-door person and loves exploring different places
9.) A water-person but not exactly a good swimmer
10.) Greatest fear is rejection
11.) A certified nationalista! :-)
12.) Wants to be a member of the brown raise org, AHON foundation and Haribon Foundation
13.) Easily swayed by gentlemanly gestures
14.) Dream odd-job is to be a MRT Train operator
15.) don't know how to cook
16.) loves carbonara so much!
17.) and any dish with red sauce..~_^
18.) greatest fear is rejection and being humiliated in front of many people
19.) i can only eat alone when around people i don't know or in a place where nobody knows me (e.g. in foodcourts, restauraurant; never can i be seen eating alone in office cafeteria, etc...)
20.) i love watermelon and pineapple
21.) had always been one of the tallest girl in her class
22.) NBSB (No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth member
23.) quite irritatingly opinionated in almost all things
24.) took me 4 days just to finish this post!
25.) stagnant, frustrated, neglected : 3 words to describe myself today

Waah!!! I'm so bored!!!