why do i feel so gloomy all of a sudden? what happened in the house just affects everything i do. my work, my plans.. why can't we stay happy and at peace with each other just once.
i do know its my fault as well. i've never been a good daughter to my father. i don't know why. and i can't go on blaming his mistake before. because how i deal with him has always been the same ever since i reach my teenage years. maybe even earlier than that, i'm not so sure.
why can't i respond to him lovingly, or even just give a decent answer when he question me about anything that's happenign in my life?
i do feel sorry about that. and God knows how i want to change. maybe i just need to want it more because i can't seem to change.
i don't want to wait til everything's over.
i can't face that you know.
DEATH...
it's a really big word for me. i can't ponder on this for long, i just can't.
i need to change but i don't know how. i don't know where to start. i don't even know if i can muster enough courage to look my father in the eye and say "i'm sorry, and i want our family to start again.."
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