Lessons from my past (which I never seems to learn)

Found this note on my phone last night. I wrote this last year I think, but I never got to post it. So here it is.

***

1. No matter how big the gap is between you and an old friend, swallow your pride and be the one to reach out and first to call.
   
2. No matter how bad you think life is going on for you, there is always something to be thankful for.
3. Just by remembering the name of a new acquaintance makes a lot of difference for that person.
4. No matter how big your problem is now, remember that it always passes.
5. Life doesn't revolve around you. Take time to ask what's happening in your friend's life. Listen intently and sincerely. Never make that question an excuse to talk about yourself.
6. It's refreshing to kid around like a child again once in a while.
   
7. Never regret your stupidity and tears from the past. Looking back, you'll realize it made you stronger. And hey, it will seem funny after a while.
8. Take some time off alone. Nothing's more strangely daunting than realizing that you don't recognize yourself anymore.
9. Nothing's wrong with being vain. It is every girl's privilege and right to doll up. Do it now while you're still young and pretty.
10. Thoughts of a happy ending should be left to fairy tales.
11. The best comfy sources in the world is chocolate, vanilla ice cream, and a long hug from an old friend.
12. Never ever give an unsolicited advice just for the heck of it.
13. People usually know how to solve their problems. They come to you just so they can talk it out loud and realize they knew the solution all along.
14. Best form of revenge is to kill that person with kindness.
15. Always say what you mean, and mean what you say.
16. If someone have done you wrong, think of all the good laugh you shared together. Never let one mistake ruin years of friendship.

***

I remember I wrote this during those times that I was feeling really frustrated with my work and disappointed with some of my friends (at my first work). These lessons are really not that a big deal but it is hard earned.

Lessons I have to remember as I walk through this journey called LIFE and ADULTHOOD.

Practrical Mind Won

A few hours ago, I had a chat with a former schoolmate (and suitor, yebah!). We talked about a lot of things, his trips abroad (he's training in the US, btw), updates on our lives, common friends, AND (of all things) my lack of happiness at work.

Him : Kamusta yung iba?

Me : Sila? Ok naman. Working for the same company for the past two years. I envy their
patience but I can't say I'll follow their path.

Him : So you just want to wander from one work to another? :-)

Me : I'm not sure. Basta I won't sacrifice my happiness and sanity for a job security. So
whenever I felt that I'm no longer happy with a job, I leave.

Him : Deep. Can I ask you a question?

Me : (not quite sure now) sure.

Him : What will fill your cup of happiness then? What will make you happy and give you
security at the same time?

Me : (pauses) Honestly, I don't have an answer to that. Wala akong direksyon kaya wag mo
na ko tanungin. :-)

Him : I think you already have a direction. You just haven't found a way to get there. * wink
(good for him)

***

It really got me thinking. Again. Everybody else my age seems to have a concrete direction as to how they want their life managed. Why can't I be like that?

My brain's all so scattered. I can't figure what I really want. I don't know what I need. On top of that, this idealistic side of me is screaming "STAND FOR YOU PRINCIPLE, PRACTICALITY'S OUT OF THE QUESTION!!!" Bullshit that side.

I decided to be practical. Sheesh! I'll just try all right? I'll get a stint in a call center job. Hopefully to save some, maybe go to Singapore or Korea to work after a year. Save some again then have my own business. Hopefully I can endure all these until I turn 25.

See? Coming up with a 3-year life plan is not that bad after all.

Sad..=(

Battle of dreams and principle

I still enjoy this free time yet I'm sick of having no money..=(

Not that I stop looking for a job. In fact, I already have two offers in my hands. One in the salon and nail spa industry and another in the pharmaceutical business. These indecision as to which job offer I would accept kept me awake all night yesterday.

So I accepted both. Geesh!

I really don't know which to take. And I can't help but think (this idealistic side of me) that if I'm having doubts with these jobs then maybe neither is meant for me. Is this a rational way of thinking especially when I now only have more or less 50 bucks on my wallet and the bills are now starting to come simultaneously.

It also bothers me. My mother is now off looking for a call center job. She's 55. She's supposed to be retiring not job-hunting. And here I am playing hotel city at facebook and chatting with friends. My conscience is bothering me big time.

Now I'm thinking. Should I swallow my job and look for a job abroad? Where I can earn triple of what I can earn here in the Philippines.

I have big dreams for me and my family. I want to do a lot of things. I want to travel, to study again, I want to live comfortably. Not lying awake all night wondering how on earth I'm gonna pay for the bills. The way my parents are living for the past two decades.

My idealistic side (a pest at times really) reminds me of the principle I stand for the past years. That job abroad is not an option for me because my country needs me more now than everything else.

But I'm just a tiny speck in a street full of dust. What can I do if I'm so insignificant? And, will leaving the country really be a betrayal? How about my family who expects more of me?

My mother has been hinting about this for quite a while now. Talking about how comfortable her cousin now living in US with her daughter. Who, by the way, married a man more than twice her age. (but marrying for the sake of money will NEVER be an option for me)

Sige ganito na lang. Siguro I'll accept the nail spa job. Then I'll try my luck on a job abroad. If I got accepted then I'll just weigh my judgments then.

See which weighs more, dreams or principle.

Revisiting my blog

Funny how it is that when we're writing off our thoughts to our journals (or blogs in my case), it seems always like "its one hard-earned lesson" everytime we come to the conclusion and press "publish post".

But after reading after some of my previous blogs, it seems to me like I'm living in a never-ending cycle of problems and heartaches. All seems to be repeating itself.

Once again, I find myself :

1. jobless and poor
2. still NBSB
3. still frustrated and wary of where my life is leading me

Feels like I never learn at all. All those insights (whether I realized myself or shared by my peers) never did etched in my mind (notice how thick-headed I am). Because right now I find myself in the same predicament I was one or two years ago.

Nevertheless, there's no point in being negative now, right? People just move on, it's useless to go back.

All I need is to keep the positive attitude that somewhere along the way I'll be better.