Battle of dreams and principle

I still enjoy this free time yet I'm sick of having no money..=(

Not that I stop looking for a job. In fact, I already have two offers in my hands. One in the salon and nail spa industry and another in the pharmaceutical business. These indecision as to which job offer I would accept kept me awake all night yesterday.

So I accepted both. Geesh!

I really don't know which to take. And I can't help but think (this idealistic side of me) that if I'm having doubts with these jobs then maybe neither is meant for me. Is this a rational way of thinking especially when I now only have more or less 50 bucks on my wallet and the bills are now starting to come simultaneously.

It also bothers me. My mother is now off looking for a call center job. She's 55. She's supposed to be retiring not job-hunting. And here I am playing hotel city at facebook and chatting with friends. My conscience is bothering me big time.

Now I'm thinking. Should I swallow my job and look for a job abroad? Where I can earn triple of what I can earn here in the Philippines.

I have big dreams for me and my family. I want to do a lot of things. I want to travel, to study again, I want to live comfortably. Not lying awake all night wondering how on earth I'm gonna pay for the bills. The way my parents are living for the past two decades.

My idealistic side (a pest at times really) reminds me of the principle I stand for the past years. That job abroad is not an option for me because my country needs me more now than everything else.

But I'm just a tiny speck in a street full of dust. What can I do if I'm so insignificant? And, will leaving the country really be a betrayal? How about my family who expects more of me?

My mother has been hinting about this for quite a while now. Talking about how comfortable her cousin now living in US with her daughter. Who, by the way, married a man more than twice her age. (but marrying for the sake of money will NEVER be an option for me)

Sige ganito na lang. Siguro I'll accept the nail spa job. Then I'll try my luck on a job abroad. If I got accepted then I'll just weigh my judgments then.

See which weighs more, dreams or principle.