Today is another one of those days

Got an email from a friend this morning. And apparently some of my friends whom were also forwarded with this appreciated it and decided to forward it also.

Quite timely. Because I'm having another one of those days.

I feel down again, wondering what on earth am I doing in here? That if I'm not happy why am I still staying?

And here's this email saying that wherever you are, no matter how annoying or depressing your situation is, God is at work watching over you. That you are exactly where HE wants you to be. And everything that's happening are just the prelude to the main event he have planned out for you.

But God also gave us a deciding mind, right? A mind made to think and analyze, mind to decide what to do given any situation?

That if your not happy with something, or in my case, happy one moment depressed in another, do something about it.

I really need to come up with a decision. A definite and irrevocable decision. Something I should stick with. Something I should never regret nor take back whenever I feel differently.

I am never really sure of what I should do. I'm tired of doing the things I'm doing now. I don't know what trigger this (again!). But this is how I'm feeling.

Suddenly nothing really matters. Everything seems insignificant. I feel small. And unworthy. Tired. Ugly. Depressed. Old.

I'm just so, so tired of it all.

To start a new, forgive your past

"We're almost finish. And I'm famished. When do we get to eat?" I asked. We're almost finished displaying all her purchase from Divisoria. Looking around, I'm quite satisfied. It will be sold out pretty soon, I'm sure.

"You're hungry already? Oh well, wait for me here. I'll buy you something." Lily replied.

"Thanks!"

"Hmm..this is a pretty good business." I mused. "Only a month since the opening but the customers keep pouring through. I wish I can come up with my own soon." I thought wistfully.

I was staring into space, daydreaming of my soon-to-flourish business, when something red out of the window captured my attention.

Oh no, please don't let it be whom I thought it to be!!!

Curly hair, well-toned body, and THE heart-melting half-grin. It was no doubt its HIM. And a close-to-lanky but obviously very pretty chinita girl beside him. I was really in no doubt that its THEM.

Much as I wanted to look away, my eyes seem glued at them two. They really look so happy together.

It's been seven years already. Am I over you now?

I know they've been together for four years now. But this is the first time I see them together. TOGETHER! Holding hands. Looking so happy and contented with each other. And I never thought this day will come.

Oh no, he'll see me any minute now. Look away! LOOK AWAY!!!

Mon did look at me. He look surprised to see me for a moment. But then he smiled.

It seems like ages before I can react. But...

...I smile back. To him and Lianne. Genuine friendly smile.

After seven years, I finally set myself free...

Pep Talk

First thing this morning the Boss called for a meeting. Apparently I was quite surprised that I'm included in this meeting. Usually it's just them.

THEM = all minus me.

And to be honest, it made me nervous. I thought the Boss will scold me for not doing my job well, or not doing my job at all. Heehee..guilty conscience, here I go again.

Turns out it isn't really about me. It's about the whole group. It started with a single question tossed around for everyone to answer.

"Aside from staying at home, what's your next activity to relax yourself?"

And I'm not prepared. Christine volunteered an answer for me, hanging out at Powerbooks. Ok, whatever. I don't usually hang out there on a weekend. I'd rather stay at home, you know. But what else can I say?

Then he proceeded on telling us how the retail industry has a positive response to the global recession. That we have made a good foundation as a group. All have performed their functions satisfactorily, that we're hitting a feasible target. And in time, we'll all realize and see our contributions once we open our projects this coming November and December. He summarized all the things we've accomplished since we began. And shared to us all the projects that we'll look forward to the following year. See? I've really been listening.

I think he did this just so we'll keep at par to the division's, and the company's, objectives. And maybe, to trigger our enthusiasm in the upcoming projects. That hey, we're now on the next phase of the process, soon we'll already see the fruits of our labor.

Hmm..gets me thinking. Am I as excited as they all are for the upcoming opening? I guess not. I don't know..

Errr..guess should stop this hypocrisy. Of course I'm excited. I guess, I SHOULD be excited. I mean, who shouldn't be? I'm part of a fast-growing company, owned by one of the biggest business conglomerate in the country. I'm operating under probably the most exciting development of all the company's projects. Haler! we're building malls! I have an ok Boss (though I really hate his air of aristocracy, grrr!), get along with everyone in my department. I'm part of this foundation, one of the pioneers. I have every reason to be proud, right?

Right! So please, please be happy with your work na!!!!

What too much importance can do to you

When you're given lots of responsibilities...
When lots of people depend on you to perform their functions...
When you just feel so important...

Person I thought to be timid and kind, has filled his head with stormy air of ego...


tsktsk..