Wallowing thoughts

Flashback two months back...

I was in the office pitying myself. Wallowing on the thought that I'm trapped in a job, doing clerical works that I hate. My boss has no confidence in me, my tasks are all too elementary that I thought even a highschool graduate can accomplish satisfactorily. My salary is too low that I can't even afford to treat myself to a movie or buy myself a new blouse. My officemates are not supportive of what I do and treat me as if I'm just a lowly individual they had to work with. All these, while my friends are having the time of their lives at their own work. I mean, where's the justice in that??

Then I was ecstatic, my parents finally gave their go signal that I can resign if I'm not really happy. Or so it seems. So I submit my resignation letter. All too proud to finally leave this crap of an office. Head held up high, too excited to start a new. Because deep down I know, there's a better future awaiting for me beyond this.

Two months later...

Here I am today. Shoes worn out from 3 weeks of job-hunting, only 200php in my pocket, and all hopes of finding my dream job draining out from me. My fighting spirit's almost lost. To add up to that, my parents are just too happy to voice out their disappointment and frustration. Like I'm not disappointed and frustrated enough as it is. ='(

How many jobs have I applied for already? I think I've attended more than 10 interviews already. Only two seems to fit my dream job. But unlucky me, both seems to think I'm just not qualified. And yeah, even those eight don't even bother to call that I got the job. Nope, not even one.

I just feel disappointed with myself. My spirits are dampened from all these rejections. Yesterday I thought I'm all set to work at Pancake. While the manager gave me an overview of what I'm about to do, I'm already imagining myself doing all those. I imagine myself burying my nose in the pile of work, extending long hours, even coming to work on weekends. The job is just too perfect. It's what I want, what I'm craving for right now.

At lunch it seems as if I'm walking on clouds. Nothing will rain on my parade. No one can burst my bubble. I thought "I finally got a job! And a dream job too!". Well, I should start learning not to count my chicks until it hatched. Sheesh..I really never learn.

Oh God! I know you have a plan for me. But please, if it's not for me, help me cope with the disappointment that will surely follow. I think another rejection will cost much more damage than this.