Para kay B (and a glimpse of my love story)

“Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Ang iba, iibig sa di sila iniibig. O iibig nang di natututo. O iibig sa wala. O di iibig kailanman.. - PARA KAY B"

<There's a quota in loving. Of the five people who will love, only one will be truly happy. Others, will love those who'll never love them back. Or love without learning. Or love nothing. Or will never love at all..>

This is the rather infamous quote from this literary piece by Ricky Lee.

Let's consider that his theory does holds true. Who am I among these five?

I admit I am one of those people who have never experienced how it is to be in love. Yeah, a true blue NBSB (read : No Boyfriend Since Birth). At my age, people won't believe me when I told them that. And I usually steer myself away from that discussion. A string of questions just always follows. Questions even I can't seem to answer. Questions I too ask myself at times.

When I was young, a guy broke my heart. He was THE ideal boyfriend of anyone's teenage years. A basketball star, blessed with good looks and a gentleman personality, all brawns and brains. A certified heartthrob. There's one glitch though, he was some kind of a womanizer. Well, make that a lot.

But you know how girls are, the more bad boy a guy be, the more attractive he appears in our eyes. Its like we wanted to be the one to capture his heart and tame his wild persona.

So I fell for him. Because then, I was a plain girl, who excel some in academics, but really shy and more like a wall flower. Like the lowly production assistant amongst the movie stars. See? Of all the gorgeous girls in my class, girls whose going gaga over him, he decided he'll take me instead.

Little did I know he'll soon break my heart. That he'll choose another girl. A girl who turned out to be one of my best friends.

Well, what's done is done. And it surprised me how easily I got over him. Realized it was my pride he'd hurt, not my heart.

But funny though it is, I can't seem to lose the wall I put as protection around my heart.

Don't get this all wrong, I do fall for some guys after him. It's not like I let myself turn into a monk or something. But I can't seem to take anymore chances. When I'm on the verge of saying "yes", something always holds me back.

So at my age, I have never truly loved anyone. Nor give anyone a chance to really love me. And at this point, no one seems to be getting close to taking down THE wall.

Hey! Hey! Does that mean I belong to the "or will love nothing" ???

Or worse.. those who "will never love at all"???